Loyalty is a such a pertinent characteristic in a human being. I’ve always said, if anyone had to question my loyalty, they’d just need to check my track record in supporting Newcastle United. I think many of you reading this right now are the same.
Given all this take-over talk and the prospects of a new dawn (however doubtful) looming, I thought I’d write a piece on what are several key characteristics of a true Geordie (not the YouTuber). This litmus test is by no means exhaustive, but whether you’re from Newcastle or Moscow, supporting United is likely to have developed some of the below.
1. Goodness gracious, you just hate Sunderland
Given that they are our rivals (despite being in some division in Scotland or Armenia or wherever they play), you’d think that this hatred is standard procedure. But the hate runs deep here, real deep. I’m not sure how it grows into this unending pit of loathsome emotions – but the force is strong. So much so, you’ve found yourself at the airport, glancing over at the monitor & notice a plane leaving for Milan – this will be followed by a quiet whisper under your breath “…never seen a Mackem there before”. No one will find that funny, but it’s a powerful feeling, very powerful – moving on.
2. You are an absolute SUCKER for clickbait articles
We all hate them, we are all tired of them, but we cannot stop reading them. Some say drugs are addictive and I bet they are – but have you ever seen an article titled “Messi, Newcastle’s new number 10??”, I cannot elaborate the heights this takes my dopamine levels to, but you can bet your bottom dollar that I’m going to read that article (with a photoshopped Messi in the black & white). From the arrival of Mpabbe & Vidal to the supposed Vince McMahon takeover rumors, we have seen and heard it all. If you still find yourself just having a quick browse over any articles like this – yup, you’re a Newcastle fan, sorry pal.
3. Alan Shearer makes your heart beat faster
We don’t have much going for us in the North East, but we do have Shearer – if you don’t know who he is, you’re too young bro. Without doubt and unmistakably the greatest striker in Premier League history (don’t argue), with 260 Premier League goals (and 283 top flight goals) – a million more than the next. We love Alan Shearer, who turned down a move to that club in red with someone “at the wheel” now, to play for his boyhood club Newcastle United. A clear manifestation of Magpie fandom is if you have spat out your chewing gum and hit a full volley screaming “SHHHEEARRRRREEERRR!” whilst your crusty gum misses the bin and lands somewhere, 7 yards from you – glorious.
4. You are a “When we…”
Newcastle United hasn’t had much success under the current regime…… okay its been utterly abysmal. Since we don’t have many accolades to flaunt and Joelinton’s goal scoring record isn’t turning heads, we resort to the dreaded “When we” approach. It’s the classic, “When we had Beardsley & Ferdinand…” or “When we were in the Champions League…” – if you are doing this, unfortunately Geordie fandom has spread to your vital organs – you are screwed. I have found myself at dinner tables, randomly blurting out, and completely off topic “You know, when we were under Kevin Keegan…” which is shortly followed by awkward stares. Maybe it’s the ignorance of my dinner guests, or maybe I am just hurt and this is a desperate cry for help… but it’s probably their ignorance.
5. Wor Bobby
Sir Bobby Robson was a very special person. He was one of the few personalities in football (in my lifetime, at least) that transcended the sport. Not only was he a mastermind and elite in his managerial capacity, but he was just a phenomenal fatherly figure at the club. His love for both Newcastle United and the sport of football has etched his name into the history books forever. As your love for Newcastle United grows, I think in parallel so will your appreciation and respect for Wor Bobby. If this quote gives you goosebumps, you most certainly are a member of the Toon Army.
“What is a club in any case? Not the buildings or the directors or the people who are paid to represent it. It’s not the television contracts, get-out clauses, marketing departments or executive boxes. It’s the noise, the passion, the feeling of belonging, the pride in your city. It’s a small boy clambering up stadium steps for the very first time, gripping his father’s hand, gawping at that hallowed stretch of turf beneath him and, without being able to do a thing about it, falling in love.” – Sir Bobby Robson.
I believe if you have some of the above mentioned traits, howay man – you’re a Geordie. We may not have the trophies, but you are apart of one of the best sets of fans in world football. We pack the stadiums when we have absolutely no reason to other than the love that we have for our club. We are so loud and won’t stop singing until that final whistle blows, even if we are losing, and my friend, we lose a lot.
Please feel free to add to the list in the comments below and to share with your fellow footballing fans. #cans