Newcastle vs Watford, Newcastle United, Watford Football Club, Premier League

Player Ratings: Watford 2 – 1 Newcastle United (11/07/2020)

Premier League

Disappointing result for Newcastle United at Vicarage Road, as Watford come from behind to beat United 2-1. After what was a promising start for the Magpies with a Dwight Gayle goal in the 23rd minute, Watford slowly but surely took a hold of the game and ended up with the victory.

Both goals for Watford came from the penalty spot, the first one less blatant than the second. Nonetheless, after going down in the 23rd minute, Nigel Pearson’s side looked far more composed and dangerous until the final whistle. Contrastingly, Newcastle looked progressively worse and complacent as the game went on – some questionable substitutions and tactics will no doubt be on the mind of plenty of the Toon Army.

So without further ado, here are your match ratings.

Martin Dubravka: 7/10

Conceded two penalty goals which he can hardly be blamed for. Guessed the right way the second time but didn’t manage to get a hand to it.

Javier Manquillo: 4.5/10

The weakest performance he has had since the return of football. He has looked decent until Watford, but gave away a very silly penalty that ended up costing United the game. He’ll be looking to bounce back against Tottenham on Wednesday!

Jamaal Lascelles: 7.5/10

Defence looks far more structured and solidified when he is on the pitch. Put in an incredible goal line clearance and tried to motivated his players throughout the game. Most notably were his words with Danny Rose whose complacency almost cost Newcastle United a goal.

Federico Fernandez: 5/10 (Assist)

Despite getting an assist, it was one of his poorer performances in the Black & White. Made a few errors and looked a bit hesitant at times which isn’t common for Federico.

Danny Rose: 5/10

Still not managing to find his feet at Newcastle. Working hard but it hasn’t clicked just yet, another average display from Rose.

Fabian Schar: 5.5/10

In all honesty, it’s hard to understand why he was being played in the midfield. Looked well off the pace and out of position a number of times. Hardly to blame as CDM/Sweeper is clearly not ideal for him.

Jonjo Shelvey: 5.5/10

Another sub-par performance from Shelvey. His consistency has always been the main point of criticism rallied against him and his last two performances have given weight to that claim. No doubt, he missed his partner Isaac Hayden who brings stability to the mid and the opportunity for Shelvey to move further forward. I believe this is the last Shelvey/Schar partnership we’ll see this season.

Matt Ritchie: 4.5/10

Doesn’t look his usual self and although he is working hard, he has been rather sloppy of late. Gave away the first penalty and didn’t look very threatening at all. As one of the leaders in the team, he’ll need to pick up his game.

Allan Saint-Maximin: 6/10

Doesn’t look fully rested. Had one or two nice runs and completed 4 dribbles in the match but wasn’t able to completely run riot as he normally does. He was tightly marked by Watford, and the fact that he found himself isolated so often didn’t help.

Miguel Almiron: 5.5/10

Worked hard as always but lacked the final product. He has been moved around a bit and a question being asked is ‘what is his correct position’?

Dwight Gayle: 7.5/10 (Goal)

Gayle slotted him from close in the 23rd minute as his hard work and finishing has earned him a well-deserved starting spot. He has now scored 3 goals in 5 games and will be hoping to add onto it as he continues to receive more game time.

Substitutes (Must play over 20 minutes to receive a rating)

Bentaleb: N/A
Joelinton: N/A
Krafth: N/A

Newcastle United, West Ham, Premier League, Round 33, Newcastle vs West Ham

Player Ratings: Newcastle United 2 – 2 West Hame (05/07/2020)


Newcastle United were hoping to build upon a fantastic performance against Bournemouth in the week as they took on West Ham United in round 33 of this Premier League season.

This was a slightly scrappy affair with Newcastle United containing the lion’s share of possession (57%). What is clear to see is Steve Bruce’s tactical changes paying dividends, as Newcastle are starting to hold onto the ball far better than in the previous half of the season. It seems to be two touch football as United are far more fluid in moving the ball around.

The tactical change in having 4 at the back as opposed to 5 is something that is also working out nicely for United as they seem far more geared to take the game to the opposition as opposed to waiting for chances to appear. Having said that, West Ham did well to contain ASM (as much as possible) – Moyes rightly predicted United’s approach in attacking down the right hand side and was able (for the most part) to deal with it.

So without further ado, here are your match ratings.

Martin Dubravka: 7/10

Decent game from Dubravka as he pulled off 5 saves, most notably was an excellent stop against Yarmolenko late on. He will be slightly irked with the first goal, that was a result of a defensive mishap from skipper Lascelles. Not much he could do for the second goal as a rebound fell kindly to Soucek.

Javier Manquillo: 6.5/10

Made the joint most tackles with 4 and had a pass completion rate of 78%. Overall a decent afternoon for the Spaniard who has solidified his spot in the team through sheer determination.

Jamaal Lascelles: 5.5/10

Unfortunately a forgettable afternoon for the skipper who committed a blunder for West Ham’s first goal. His attempt to almost, backheel the ball away ended disastrously as the ball fell kindly to Antonio, who duly slotted home. Managed to pick himself up after that, which is testament to his leadership ability and had a decent game there on in.

Federico Fernandez: 6.5/10

Found wanting for the Soucek goal but overall another solid performance from Fernandez. Won 6 aerial duels, the most in the team as he keeps showing his determination for the badge.

Emil Krafth: 7/10 (Assist)

Another good game from Emil Krafth as he continues to improve and find his feet in English top flight football. Put in a wonderful ball for Almiron who scored United’s first goal. He’ll be pleased with his afternoon and so will Steve Bruce.

Isaac Hayden: 7/10

Got injured and was subbed in the 43rd minute but was having a decent game up until then. He made 4 tackles, some of which were crunching encounters. His positional play is fantastic and it just keeps improving. His high football IQ is helping United to better control the midfield and is constantly increasing his value to this side. No doubt, a player Newcastle have to hang on to

Jonjo Shelvey: 8/10 (Goal) – Man of the Match

Newcastle’s best player on the pitch against West Ham. Was spraying the ball about wonderfully and took the situation in his hands to score United’s second, moments after conceding to West Ham. The talent is there, he’ll be hoping to consistently display it.

Miguel Almiron: 7.5/10 (Goal)

Another goal for Miggy who is improving under Steve Bruce. He continues to work hard and run very intelligent lines into open spaces. Always has a smile on his face and put smiles on the faces of plenty Newcastle fans around the globe.

Allan Saint-Maximin: 7/10

Was tightly marked on Sunday afternoon and took some big knocks. Nonetheless, a good performance from Newcastle’s wonder man who is attracting attention from other big clubs abroad. This isn’t surprising as ASM has plenty to offer and is only going to improve as time goes on.   

Joelinton: 6.5/10

Was played out wide again, as he looks much better in a supporting role. Played a creative part in both goals but I am sure he will be itching to get more goals himself. Worked hard as he won 3 aerial duels and made 3 tackles.

Dwight Gayle: 7/10 (Assist)

Decent afternoon for Gayle, most notably as he tee’d up Shelvey for the second goal. Worked hard and had a pass competition rate of 87%.

Substitutes (Must play over 20 minutes to receive a rating)

Nabil Bentaleb: 7/10 (43′ minute sub)
Technically sound on the ball and had a good afternoon on the pitch. Passed the ball soundly with an 88% competition rate.

Valentino Lazaro: 6/10 (69′ minute sub)
Quite afternoon for Lazaro – not much to report on.

Matt Ritchie: 6/10 (70′ minute sub)
Nothing worth reporting back home for.

Andy Carroll: N/A

Newcastle United’s reported line up under new ownership… according to our ‘sources’.

Premier League

Rumours have been aplenty since the takeover news burst onto the scene and sports journalists have been LOVING it. I don’t blame them – when you have folks like me who will click on any article with the words ‘Newcastle’ and ‘Transfer’ in it, I’d do exactly the same.

Given all the names being thrown around like Nicolas Anelka on a transfer dead-line day, we thought we would also present our potential starting 11 based on our reliable ‘sources’ 😉

Please see references to our legit sources below.

Manager – ‘Arry Redknapp
“Well ya know”, forget Poch and Zidane – this is the man we want! With all the money that will be behind Newcastle after this takeover is complete, we need a manager who can bring in big name players! I am talking about the likes of Peter Crouch, Herman Hreidarsson, Niko Kranjcar and Benjani.

Goal Keeper – David de Gea
Our ‘source’ 😉 here (Aunty Susan, in the queue at Tesco’s last week) has told us that David de Gea is reportedly unhappy playing for a small club and wants to make the move to the real United. TBH, he’s not nearly as good as Dubravka, but since we’ll be paying £90m for him, we may as well start him for the first few games.

Left Back – Shane Ferguson
To win trophies, we need to show ambition. Our underground reports have led us to believe that this is almost a done deal. We didn’t think we could afford him, but Joe Kinnear also didn’t think he could make it as a director of football – and look what happened.

Centre Back – Sergio Ramos
If you didn’t know this, Newcastle United are LOVED by the referees. We always get the blow of the whistle unlike Manchester United, who just never seem to catch a break. Given this unfair advantage, our new owners have thought it appropriate that we sign the best behaved player in the game, who only has 20 red cards in La Liga. Should get him for a few quid.

Centre Back – Mike Williamson
Was he the best defender Newcastle United have ever had? No. But what can we say, our reliable ‘sources’ 😉 say contract talks have been concluded and he’s had his medical. Newcastle need pace, and that’s just what we’ve got here.

Right back – Nelson Semedo
After playing with with the great Lionel Messi, Semedo wants to take a step up and play for the same club as the greatest ever player – Shola Ameobi. Being this ambitious is tough, but this is what top dollar gets you. 16 year old YouTuber, Geoff, says the deal is done and that means it’s true – expect to see this break in newspapers soon.

Left midfield – Luka Modric
Luka, reportedly, is tired of feeding poor quality strikers like Ronaldo and Benzema in his career. This is why it was an easy catch for Newcastle United. We could have got him for £85m, but we have reportedly paid £120m just because we can. Howay Luka.

Central Midfield – “Yohan Kebab”
Joe Kinnear put this one together, and we just have to say “job well done!”

Right Midfield – Kevin De Bruyne
There has been no link here whatsoever, but since we are new to this game, we just thought we’d start a rumour. So please spread this and tell all your mates. It’s definitely happening, #cans.

Right Forward – Ferenk Puskas
Yes, we know what you are thinking – “this guy died 14 years ago!”, but still, it’s what our reliable ‘sources’ 😉 have informed us of, and we are obliged to bring you the latest news. Credit to our new owners for getting this one over the line!

Centre Forward – Peter Crouch
This is why our new owners have signed a top quality manager – to bring in players like Crouchy. Can you just picture it already? Yohan Kebab floats a long ball into the box, as Crouchy towers over the defence to header it home – then proceeds to do the robot in front of the Gallowgate end! Gold.

Left Forward – Lionel Messi
Messi – not half bad. New owners couldn’t afford Shola Ameobi unfortunately, so they went for second prize in the little genius. Our ‘source’ ;), Sergio, who runs a falafel shop in Marbella, says it’s a done deal for a cool £250m. The partnership and connection between him and Redknapp is mouth-watering.

So, Newcastle fans, this is what you can expect the line up to be very soon and we believe it’s honestly untouchable. As promised we have listed our very credible ‘sources’ 😉 below.

1) 16 year old YouTuber – Geoff.
2) Sergio, falafel shop owner in Marbella.
3) Susan, in the queue at Tesco’s last week.
4) Had a dream once.